Simply Anecdotal.

Moments free of deep involvement with life can be quite rare.  When met with those moments, we do not often have the presence of mind to survey life on a larger scale.  I find it similar to emotional bias that is experienced in the beginning of a new love relationship with someone: the involvement is effortless, but care must be taken not to have your perception completely consumed by it.  Often, life is very routine, its motions nothing more than rote gesture and memorization.  Subjected to this routine often enough, free thinking may become even more scarce.

In my opinion, mindfulness is the key to uncovering the still moments of our lives which can give rise to clarity  and, in times of depression, salvation (be careful not to construe my use of the word ‘salvation’ with any religious connotation).  Still moments can come to us in many ways: sitting idly outside, meditation, a quiet drive with no distractions, a jog or run with a clear mind.  At the risk of sounding old, still moments are a dying occurrence due to our cultural inclination to be occupied at all times.  It’s no wonder that we often yearn for peace and tranquility in this hectic lifestyle.  Furthermore, it’s no wonder that we often have no real solution for escaping the torment of our over-stimulated lives.  There’s something to be said for simplicity, and I’m sure I’ve driven that statement into the ground with this blog.

In my most recent still moment, I thought about the playground that is life.  There are limitless possibilities afforded to us, should we be fortunate enough not to live life physically enslaved and shackled.  This is in stark contrast to the mental shackles that depression can place upon us.  That depression can either be derived from internal or external factors, to keep it simple.  Externally, we look to events such as divorce, financial hardship, and high expectations from family and jobs as common sources.  Internally, we have much more arguable sources: from hereditary predisposition, to our perception of the world around us, to abundances and deficiencies in various chemical neurotransmitters in the brain.  Truly, in a world full of so many possibilities, it is possible and even likely that at some point we shall hold ourselves hostage.  They key, as with so many other problems, is proper maintenance of self.

Paramount to curbing both external and internal stress is how we live our lives.  Do you live beautifully and playfully, or do you seek accomplishment and money?  Predisposition to stress and depression can be identified based on asking ourselves what we live for.  During an extended period of depression this past year, I enacted numerous plans to escape my sadness, all revolving around placing a bandage over the problem instead of taking time to properly heal it.  Is it our fault that we look for the quick fix rather than putting in the work to properly tend to our problems?  This depends on the individual.

I think there is a scale with two extremes, having to do with personal accountability (responsibility for one’s own actions) and at the opposite end, freedom we choose to relinquish.  The more we decide “I am not responsible for this aspect of my life”, the more we will find ourselves subjected to ‘the powers that be’ concerning life, forfeiting sovereignty.  As an example, if you own a vehicle, but choose not to learn how to perform routine maintenance, you must acknowledge that you are now at the whim others to perform that service for you.  This gives rise to many variables, including workmanship, price fluctuation, and poor service which would not exist if you took it upon yourself to learn to do these things yourself.

And then, at what point is it permissible to relinquish responsibility and make oneself actionable to outside factors?  This also depends on the individual, and the culture which that individual lives in.  If you were raised not knowing how to cook, you may find yourself more exposed to the nutrition (or lack thereof), service, and price of those who do provide your meals.  And then, to a certain extent, this will begin to cause misery in the lives of others.  To expound:  the greater the number of people who relinquish personal responsibility in exchange for forfeiture of freedom, the greater the demand is placed on those rendering services.  More customers means a higher accountability (in theory) to the workers, and a higher work to pay ratio.  It’s no surprise that when we look all around us, we see nearly every aspect of service industry is stretched beyond their means, and working understaffed to tend to record numbers of clientele.

But should you awaken one day to realize you have hands of great dexterity, a mind capable of learning so much, and the resources necessary to implement a greater span of personal responsibility, the less you will feel victimized by the world around you.  Multiplied, this occurrence would then lessen the droning of victimization and litigation to prevalent in today’s culture.  It is reasonable to suppose that this would ultimately jettison a lot of unnecessary misery encountered in our industrialized world — a world in which depression is greater than in most third world countries, and the suicide rate is higher.  This is without mention to the remarkably high rate of mental illness diagnosis, although an argument could be made that greater awareness equates to more diagnoses.

To relinquish personal responsibility is to neglect the existence of the very virtues that allowed us to arrive at this current quality of life.  We are all much stronger than we may believe.  Setbacks do occur (I had no father figure to teach me many fundamental ‘guy’ aptitudes), but the amount of resources available (the library, your peers, the internet) is undeniable.  I do not see a proper excuse for living in ignorance of our potential.

What is required is a change of mind.  When you change your mind, you change the way you see the world.  When you realize your potential to commit yourself fully in every moment, to engage life with a playful and inquisitive exuberance, you will find a life worth living.  Furthermore, you will find less reliance upon external factors to sustain yourself.  This is valuable for two reasons: One, you will find much more happiness as you will be exercising the muscle of curiosity and engagement.  Point out any individual who is deeply engaged and curious about life and you will find someone who does not suffer from chronic or re-occurring stress.  Two, you will reduce the grief and misery of those around you whom you’ve found yourself dependent upon.  This is important because it displays the heartening example in which each individual can change the world.  If you truly want to live in a world of freedom, happiness, and equality, then it is time to start with yourself before you educate others.

There is opportunity for curiosity and playfulness in nearly every moment.  The following is a 26 minute video displaying the importance of play in our lives, and its correlation with many aspects of personal prosperity:

TED – Play is More Than Fun

Once the playground of life is visualized, you may find yourself enthused in a child-like state at the potential that exists with simply living.  You may additionally come to realize what is so great about being human.

It all begins with the moment of stillness.  Be on the lookout for it!

Instructions on Saving the World. (Part 6)

The Soloist

It certainly seems like a daunting task, to put into action the suggestions I made in part 5.  That was simply a model, and it came to me as I was lying in bed last night after re-reading through “Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn.  I am not the most well-versed person in these matters, and a much better model for weaning our society is certainly available.  It is a good idea to keep an open door to more ideas, otherwise we may overlook the one key idea which would lead us away from destruction.

Perhaps another daunting aspect is the need for a large group of people to execute those suggestions.  Perhaps you are like I used to be, among many people who would not view your ideas favorably.  But then, there is still a way to leave your mark, and lure others into wanting to know more about your vision.

As the soloist, it is important to remember a very famous quote by Mahatma Ghandi: “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”  You must live in every moment with as much compassion as you can summon.  Establish positive patterns for those around you to emulate, and furthermore incite them to want to know more about you.  When someone begins to genuinely interview you about your ideas and what you stand for, you have done something right.  You have lived in a way that has made them want to know more, other than their very loose interpretation of your actions.  At that point, it may be that you are no longer the soloist, but part of a duo or trio.  And from there the idea can grow stronger, and you may experience the very real possiblity of saving us all from destruction.

Whether you operate alone or not, it is crucial that you take good care of yourself.  When I practiced Buddhism frequently, one principle that was prevalent in the writings of Buddhism was that we must take good care of ourselves before we take good care of our loved ones and those around us.  This may seem to apply to those in an intimate relationship, but it applies to everyone.  How can I selflessly give myself to anyone if I do not regard myself to be of any worth?  We must establish good habits to take care of ourselves, and eat well (mindfully, especially, please consider the implications of what you consume), live well (sunshine, smiling, and exercise), and rest well (perhaps more important than 8+ hours of sleep a night is to establish a regular sleeping pattern, going to sleep at the same time every night and rising at the same time every morning).

If you do not take good care of yourself, mentally you will begin to suffer, and at that point it will be very hard to commit yourself to saving the world, for you can barely save yourself.

To the soloist: you must be bold, and you must be brave.  If you are quiet and not intrusive (like myself) then you will need to summon the courage to suggest to your friends and family to read Ishmael, and to listen to what you have to say.  I exist in a lifestyle where I am constantly listening to what others believe in, but rarely explaining what I believe in.  You may stun the world with your insight and compassion in your worldview.  It is time for bravery.  Even if this all fails, and no one is ever convinced, you will never have any nagging regrets to look back upon.

And soloist, remember the responsibility you must take for yourself.  Re-use any plastic bags you have (or use canvas shopping bags), strive to purchase products from ethical companies, elect mass transit or a bike if you have the opportunity, take a walk outside instead of driving aimlessly in your car.  There is much we can do.  6 billion people making minor changes to their lifestyles for the better of the planet will make a very significant impact on its vitality.

And remember, soloist, that the only way for the large corporations and machines to falter is to abandon them.  The people are what support the balance of these establishments, and if we wish to see them gone we must stop frequenting them.  Be selective, be aware in every moment of the implications of your actions, and remember to seek to live more mindfully by your own actions before you criticize the actions of someone else.

If you are creative, soloist, then produce creative works of awareness and compassion.  Create poems, songs, or writing pieces which will explain to people that there is more than dinner tonight and work in the morning — there is a world ready to be saved!  There are people all around with a dimly burning candle within us, yearning to be let out, yearning to be human and exist amongst humans instead of behaving as robots.  It is not our will to live as robots, so we must make people realize that they are living as robots.  Often, it is not recognized by the robot that they are in fact living robotically.  This must be changed!  We are human, capable of love, and the one true light of this world that can lead it back to providence.

Instructions on Saving the World. (Part 5)

Ready, Aim, Fire!

The foreplay to this point has been delicious, but there must be action.  We must set forth, and we must begin to turn the wheels.  Before physical change can take place, there must be a change in mentality.  In order to change the mental framework of another person, we must make them behave differently.  In order to make them behave differently, we must make them think differently.  This is a very popular quote Daniel Quinn has made with regard to implementing your concerns for the world upon finishing “Ishmael”.

I prefer to think of our current civilized state as a drug addiction.  We as citizens are addicted to the pleasantries of civilization such as air conditioning, the internet, and microwaves.  In the midst of such splendor it is easy to forget that the price we pay for these things is the killing of our one and only planet.  We found happiness prior to the invention of these luxuries, and we can find happiness with the removal of these things.  But much like an addict, there is going to be withdrawal, and so great care must be taken to enact change.

The typical path of many addicts, especially opiate and narcotic addicts, is to wean themselves from the hard stuff by taking lesser strength opiates and narcotics, until they have eventually scaled down to nothing.  This takes a very long time, but it is better to tend to this long and rigorous path than to adhere to your addiction until your ultimate ruin.

As it stands, we are all addicted to modern culture (myself included: a prime example is me using this laptop and internet connection to make this blog).  The addiction is heavy, and on a nearly daily basis it is common to overhear people say “Oh I can’t live without my lipstick!” or something to that effect.  Clearly lipstick is not a vital possession, but this does not invalidate the statement.  There are people who believe fully in statements very similar to that one.  So there is a lot of attachment that must be parted with, but the risks (withdrawal through weaning) are certainly minute compared to the benefits (not killing off our species or the rest of the planet’s species).

The first step is to remove the highly toxic addictins which offer very little to no benefit for us as society.  This is a multitude of things.  Petroleum-based operations, nuclear anything (especially weaponry), weapons of mass destruction, anything which uses exploitation as a means of entertainment (such as zoos).  This would also include drugs with little-to-no therapeutic benefit, which are synthetic in origin.  This mainly includes heroine.  Included also is naturally occurring drugs with no benefit, such as cocaine.  Additionally, commercialized alcohol must be dampened or removed within the first step.  Millions of acres of bread and rice are used for luxury (inebriation) whereas other existing beating hearts in other countries would love to eat a bowl of rice to survive.

The next step, after a very long adjustment period, would be to remove the moderately toxic addictions which have only small benefit to society.  Vehicles, cell phones, internal combustion engines, and so forth.  This all sounds very radical, but the alternative is much less savory.  Included in this step, of great emphasis, is personal responsibility.  Take responsibility to not procreate as much.  Currently, according to a very reliable source the fertility rate is 2.58 children per woman.  This is baffling on a logical level, as there is no dire need to create an expansion in the world’s population.  By and large we are outgrowing the resources afforded to us naturally and consuming the last of many resources we will never see again.  We must take responsibility to procreate less.  An overally taper in world population will have perhaps the most profound impact of the ecological state of this planet.  Feel free to click to above link to view fertility rates of all countries.  I feel that this must be a very taboo topic, for as populated as this planet is, very few countries make an effort to address the responsibility needed to raise a child or ten.  Add to that the fact that many parents are absolutely unfit (ethically or econically) to raise children and you perpetuate a very bad problem regarding a population of people who feel they are entitled to continue to ransack the planet.

Beyond the first two steps, the rest of the venture would need to be titrated to effect.  No one at this juncture can clearly tell at what point civilization is not toxic – is it the log cabin colony that does no harm, or the people living in mud huts, or the hunter-gatheres?  But I feel relatively certain, given mankind’s ability to perform amazing feats such as splitting the atom, the human genome project, or landing on the moon, that we can find a means of living sustainably with some semblance of comfort still attached to it.

The most profound step is one that we can all take part in, and that is to change peoples’ minds.  Make people read “Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn.  Give this book to the CEOs of large and ecologically unfriendly corporations, and to very powerful people.  This would enact very significant change!  Perhaps I’ll see you on the streets, and perhaps our lineage, 200 years removed, will play together in beautiful green fields which would have been an impossiblity without our efforts.  We control our own collective destiny, and we always have.  We are far from powerless, but we have mental constructions which must be broken down, such as the barriers of selfishness which have us cling to our excessive material possessions.

Instructions on Saving the World. (Part 4)

Business Time
In some way or another, we’ve been trying to right the ship for a while now.  Ever since civilization begen, we’ve had new problems to contend with.  This sentiment is rampant in our culture: “If it’s not one thing, it’s another!”  “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”  So is life booby-trapped, or are we trying to navigate a faulty vessel?  I mean, something either works or it doesn’t.

As a prevailing example, a surefire hot button issue: healthcare.  Universal, government option, private option, etc etc.  I get it, very big hot button issue.  But look to the past and you’ll see that there is always something that is the big, oh my God, hot button issue! Everything is always big, imminent, crucial.  This has been so since the beginning of civilization.  If there is always an issue with your washing machine, do you continue to try to fix the problem, giving way to new problems, or do you finally resolve to discard the washing machine?  This vessel, civilization, is rife with its defects and problems always surfacing.  Are we really so inept at managing a civilization, or is this very premise of civilization faulty?

And are we even as rational as we posture ourselves to be?  I will be accused of being radical, but it occurs to me that a defective piece of equipment on a regular enough basis is disposed of, not constantly patched up.

Furthermore, to use the analog found in “Ishmael” (read it if you haven’t) by Daniel Quinn:

Imagine the race to be the first plane in flight.  Imagine the broken bones, bruises, and lost lives, all going out on a wing (no pun intended) with a theory that this particular construction would fly.  So we take our grand construction of an airplane, carry it up a 3000 ft mountain, and we climb in.  Our good friends push us off the edge of the cliff, and we’re off!

Well look at us!  We’re flying!  Surely we are flying, because we have not crashed yet.  This is much like our current civilization, which has not crashed yet.  We are still maintaining some semblance of security, so civilization must still be thriving, correct?

As time passes, we look down from our aircraft and see the ground dotted with other fractured aircraft from before, where pilots/engineers have lost their lives due to believing fully that their aircrafts worked.  Oh well, they were fools, and their contraption was full of errors – ours is surely exempt from such a fate! To this day, our modern civilization can see the ruins of the Mayans, the Hohokam culture, and the Anasazi empires, which all crumbled.  The Roman Empire, thought for so long to be unmoveable, a juggernaut, and steadfast, also eventually crumbled.  You could not convince the Romans that their empire would fall, yet it did.  So from our vessel of civilization, we can see the ruin of civilizations past, but we think, oh they were all fools!  Our vessel is structurally sound and will NEVER crumble!  We can do no wrong!
As our aircraft presumably careens, we notice those dots of fractured aircraft on the ground below us becoming more distinct — oh, it appears the ground is rising up!  It may be that we are falling!  But we have not falled yet, and have not crashed yet, and my air craft is the best yet, so I have no reason to believe we will crash!  Keep pedalling, nevermind what we see below.  Similarly, we have seen visions of crumbling empires and cultures, and we have a sneak preview of the ruin we cause this planet, yet we are indignant, and believe we can do no wrong.  Of course this will not end in ruin, or course this cannot fail!  We haven’t failed catastrophically yet, so why would we now?

And then, the untimely crash.  How could this be?!  The fractured aircraft all around (past civilizations) were no indication, and neither was the ground rising up (the planet dying, people warring upon one another), but this crash simply was not expected!  Not only are we struck by incredulity, but we’re dead, too!

I thought this to be a very potent analog.  Of course I reproduced it in my own words, but this seems to hold true.  It is time to consider that we may be wrong, that we can do wrong, and that this is not working.  Once this is finally believed to be true, it is time to stop being a doomsayer and it is time to enact a plan to fix this mess, and right the ship.  Enough peril, let’s have action.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS OF ALL COLORS AND AGES, IT’S TIME TO ABANDON OUR CURRENT PERCEPTION OF CIVILIZATION.  It is time to eat crow, realize we’re doing it wrong, and strive to do it right.  This installment of the manual, part 4, is the bend in the road, the crescendo, the turning point, where we must resolve that this vessel is indeed defective, and action must be taken to fix it.

You will shudder to read this, but it is my humble opinion that we must ditch the cultural mantra that “WE MUST MOVE FORWARD AND ADVANCE AT ALL COSTS!” and instead humbly backtrack our way to a lifestyle that is not volatile and reckless.  In part 5 of this instruction manual, I will muse upon different ways we can effectively backtrack and jettison all of the toxic parcels of our culture which are wrecking this planet and wrecking each and every one of us.

Instructions on Saving the World. (Part 3)

You’ve Been Detected

I know you are there, caring and burning soul, beneath the calloused skin and cage of bones and that grim vehicle which would convey contrary opinion. I am certain, beyond all doubt, that within this cell there is a kindred spirit incarcerated. You must understand the value of realizing that this spirit is reckless and wild in all of us, but smothered and squashed by the doldrums of every day life. Life is so routine, so incredibly vapid in its course, that the hours of 9 to 5 crush any semblance of human spirit. But a spirit can no more be crushed than air can be punched. It may be oppressed for the moment but it is never gone. Realize now that you’ve been detected, and when we meet eyes, I will be able to peer into your very human nature. No one is exempt, and no one should want to be. Human nature essence is inherently good, convoluted by every day bad.

Though this age is confusing and trying, there is a true advantage to living in these times: mass media. Through thousands of copies of flyers, a trusty megaphone, the internet (youtube, anyone?), pictures, blogs, and journals, this instructional manual will get out. It will come in the form of a barrage of mediums, each fashioned in a way to reach all kinds of people.

Furthermore, beyond the breadth of my own ignorance, you and I may both resort to alternatives references for information for our own personal instruction manuals, as well as a means of seeking like minds to assist in making the movement of this manual stronger.

First, the pioneer of this instruction manual, Daniel Quinn, and the book that started it all:

“Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn

I highly recommend purchasing this book. It will open your eyes so that you may look into the eyes of all of the other people of the world.

The following link is a community site for Ishmael, where people of like minds have established local groups set to action, intent on saving the world:

Group Locate

The following is a Q & A session that is a must read once you have finished reading Ishmael. You see, finishing Ishmael tends to put people into a state of urgency and possibly even panic. Daniel Quinn’s Q & A session quells uncertainty and incites action. Found below:

Daniel Quinn Q & A

The most vital step, if no others are followed, is to read Ishmael. Just as certain as I am that each human being as a genuine concerned nature for one another and this planet, I am certain that this book fortifies our resolve to make a plan to care for each other and the world we have.

Instructions on Saving the World (Part 2)

Common Ground

Part 1 was very misanthropic and gritty, and overall quite venomous, wasn’t it? That is by no means a reflection of my intent, or of the tone of this instruction manual, but it was used to serve as an initial jolt of electricity to get you at attention. It is commonly agreed that this world will end one day, but is this a gut feeling or is it grounded in logic? You must take into consideration how old this planet is, and how long it existed in perfect harmony before we began to civilize it and resolve that it would end soon. The animals of this planet are not likely to harbor the same anxious feeling of impending doom.

So now I would like to shift from venomous and electric inflection to a more warm and embracing tone. This is where we must head, in the end: toward warmth and the embrace of one another. If we do not do this, we are all doomed.

Look at someone, anyone. They are you, and you are them. They depend on the very same necessities as you to survive, they exist on the very same land, and they breathe the very same air. They must overcome suffering just like you do, and are constantly engaged in some sort of battle in life just as you are. Looking at political rallies and summits, a democrat must be able to look at a republican and realize that this person is the same as he. Both of them are very concerned for the future of their country and their loved ones, and both of them are active in their desire to help. The difference is only in the style by which they both want to better society. Yet, very often the accusation is projected upon each political party that the other is trying to ‘ruin the country’. Is anyone inherently evil, and intent on ruining the country? Is roughly 50% of this country’s population inherently evil, and intent on ruining the country? Surely not. And if they were, then there are better means of ruining this country than sitting politely in a room filled with politicians and legislators in suit and tie. Think about it.

At the core of us all, in the epicenter of the beating heart of every sentient being on this planet, there is the yearning for peace and for prosperity. Inside of each of us burns a magnificent flame which yearns to connect to other life forms, to thrive, and to be happy. There is tragedy to behold when two opposing soldiers fire at one another. What separates them? Is it the invisible lines on the soil which demarcate one country from another? It is the vision, and the story they belong to. If two individuals in a conflict both yearn for peace and happiness, then why don’t they resolve to live in ways which would promote peace and happiness? No one ever gunned their way to peace and happiness.

We live in difficult and caustic times. This country teems with people spewing over with poison for one another. We maim, rape, stab, and defame one another as a means of trying to acquire peace and happiness. Beneath every complex situation, behind the scenes of every agenda, and within the entrails of every movement, there is a desire for peace and happiness in us all. We are all human, and buried within these jaded coffins of skin and ideas and beliefs, there is a radiant and pure being yearning to care for others and embrace one another. Some of us are quivering, cold, used up, and desperately wanting the embrace of another person. Some of us are so lonely and so sad, that the warmth of kindred spirits is very remote – a near impossibility – and so these people kill themselves.

There are people who condemn those who commit suicide, but the person who blows their head off is the person who is a successful lawyer, except the suicidal person is in despair, which is an emotion which could prey upon anyone. Despair is to live with no hope, unable to conjure any possibility of making things better, seeing no better alternative than to stop experiencing this life we live. This is very sad, and to condemn a suicidal person is to be useless and a coward. It is the equivalent to kicking someone while they’re down. It is the equivalent to kicking yourself.

This is a limitless fabric of interconnectedness. Some of us worship Gods, and some of us who worship have different Gods. Worshippers are all connected in that they look to a higher being for strength and vision.

All soldiers, all addicts, all deranged persons, all oppressors, have family they care for, or smile at the sight of beautiful mountains with the sun cresting over them. We all depend on the air we draw in. At the time during the origin of man, we were not so vast or so powerful, and we depended on each other very much in order to be happy and acquire peace. The only thing that has changed since then is the mental divisions we have drawn for this planet. The lines of demarcation for politics, countries, religions, and so on. At the very heart of this matter, we all depend on each other to maintain livelihood. This shows in a person who is sad from little human contact. They first for it, and it becomes a very real necessity, else madness sets in.

The reason it is important to acknowledge this, to know the common ground we share, is because we have abandoned this common ground, but it is never anywhere but beneath us. No matter how much we have sprinted away from this common ground, we all still share it. The beautiful baby girl in Japan is depending upon the old grizzled politician in London to make proper decisions that will lead London to make sensible, earth-sustainable decisions for her future. The only difference in being born in a ghetto of Palestine and being born in a splendid Israeli mansion is chance, because we have no choice who we are born to. The only difference between a wealthy American Christian man and an emaciated Catholic Ethiopian boy is chance. And so why do we ever accuse the people of different countries, creeds, and economic positions of misgiving? It was all a matter of chance that they were placed where they were. It is much more rationally defensible to resolve that we are all akin, all fighting the same battle for happiness.

Once common ground is acknowledged, we can ascertain what must be done to save the world. Once common ground is acknowledged, we can take strangers by the hand and advance toward a healthier planet together. This is not hippie bullshit – this is the truth. If you believe that the planet will go on being healthy at our current pace of using it up then you are perhaps more mad than I am.

Instructions for Saving the World. (Part 1)

Introspection does a body good, especially when it is the kind of introspection that turns the doldrums of your day-to-day life inside out, leaving all of the squishy vital organs exposed. I need you to imagine I am talking to you as you read this, because if I were talking to you right now, I would tell you to look at me. Look into my eyes. Silence the voice inside your head and listen to me.

I am in a state of gloom. It is because I want to save a world which on the surface appears irretrievably gone. The signs of a dying world are all around us. Before you break eye contact with me, and resign your ears under the premise that this is another green movement diatribe, I must make some things clear. I will omit global warming, because the argument is too inert to be effective, and everyone I know is so firmly rooted in a belief one way or the other that nothing would sway them (not very intelligent, by the way).

1) The freshwater streams which used to be potable (I’d say as recently as 300 years ago, being charitable), are no longer so. Would you feel at ease drawing a cup of water from a stream with your hands than runs out of a major city? I believe the answer to be no. Although our scope of reality is very narrow, it must be made clear that there was life before civilization – humans that needed hydration, and got hydration by drinking from naturally occurring streams. Because of synthetic, toxic, and drug refuse, this is now a liability.

2) The quality of food we eat has declined significantly. It could be that we are simply very money hungry, and producing chemically-flavored, nutrient deficient, high sugar/salt foods is a lucrative business. However, I think this is also a response to overtaxed natural resources. There is absolutely no checklist to peruse before bringing another life into this world. All one must do is have sex. It’s woefully easy to tax this planet with yet another life which already will not be sustained well. The population surpasses its natural resources, which you may object to, but the examples of this are so prevalent, so incredibly huge, that it is nearly impossible to behold for the common person without taking a mile-long step back to observe.

We must have food shuttled to our cities via truck, boat, train, or airplane. To shuttle resources from one place to another was initially the means by which we overcame the overtaxation of our immediate natural resources. So now we use large commercialized areas elsewhere to create the resources we need. We also ‘make’ food (low grade beef plus soy byproduct plus chemical flavoring, as an example) to feed the masses because in reality, there is not enough livestock to satiate every living being on this planet.

3) Landfills are not shrinking, they are growing. As a culture we do not wish to see, smell or touch things which we culturally deem ‘bad.’ Waste, as natural as it may be, is considered ‘bad’. In reality, it could be re-used, but instead, a staggering amount of it fills the landfills. The landfills will not shrink, they will expand. And to what end? What is the resolve? Do we even look ahead to the day in which landfills will become a problem, or do we continue on blindly for the sake of convenience as it concerns our peace of mind?

4) We are permanently depleting certain resources, permanently erasing various species on a daily basis, and running out of places to put our ‘bad’ waste. This civilized cultural machine is very comfortable right now, but what about the future – whose problem does this become? Our childrens’, and our grandchildrens’ problems, and so on. So you say you love your children more than anything in the world? Then think about tomorrow, live responsibly, and stop having children. Procreation, initially, was a response to survival. Existence in itself to mankind thousands of years ago revolved around survival. We hunted and gathered for food to live, we built shelters to stay warm and dry and avoid illness, and we procreated to ensure enough manpower to keep these operations sustainable, as as an innate desire to perpetuate our species (a trait which is innate in all creatures). So now that we are industrialized, now that these things regarding food and shelter are secured, why do we continue procreate so frequently? Why, when orphanages and homeless shelters are at capacity, do we continue to yearn for our own DNA to live on?

The root is in selfishness. We want to see a replica of ourselves, or we want our last name to be carried on, or we want the family business we are very proud of the keep going. We must take into account the things we compromise when we add another beating heart to this planet. This places a higher food demand, land demand, water demand, and oxygen demand on a planet which we’re already killing for the sake of making it a human life support system. Third world people die of hunger by the thousands, begging and pleading for bread and for rice. Industrialized people kill themselves from depression, and drown their sorrows in beers made from bread and rice which the starving third world people would be elated to consume.

Look around this industrialized civilization. Most of us are sad or depressed, anxious or paranoid. Our country runs rampant with medical diagnoses of mental illness like never before. Why is this? Why, if life is as its pinnacle and somehow getting better, as we talk ourselves into, are there so many people who are sad?

Could it be that we as humans have no scope of how to live? We have not the slightest inkling of how to find happiness. But look at the other beating hearts of this planet that are not humans: wild dogs, monkeys, fish, otters, and so on. They are not killing themselves, they are not killing one another, and they do not clear away perfectly good wildland to advance their own agendas. Why, if we are more intelligent than these other creatures, are we not smart enough not to kill this planet? Why are we killing ourselves out of misery and lack of options? Why do we wage wars with other countries who exist on the same land, but with invisible lines drawn on maps to separate us? Without these lines, do we still war? Are we not more intelligent than the lines we draw?

Consider further, on a family level, that we do not seem to understand how to properly mate, conceive, and raise a child. We know how to mate (too well, if you agree that we are outgrowing our own resources), we know how to conceive, but we are constantly at odds for how to remain couples and raise children. Children are killing themselves and one another and becoming unruly, which you do not see in the ‘other’ animals on this planet.

Culturally, we are resolute in our assumptions that we can do no wrong, that we are sole owners of this planet based on higher cognitive ability. But as the rulers of this planet, we must rule with mercy, and we must stop killing this planet should we continue to enjoy it, and ensure that our children continue to enjoy it.

I am in a gloom because I was born as someone who genuinely cared about the well-being of this planet and all beings. I exist now as someone who has been defeated many times over, someone whose will to save the world is all but blacked out, but I give this another try. It is not popular to be caring and compassionate. It is very popular to be smart and beautiful and manipulative. We are becoming villains. We must give rise to heroes again, but in an unconventional form. The reason I do not care for politics or wars or the economy is because I am viewing our existence on a larger timeline. You must realize that the Middle Ages did not regard themselves as the Middle Ages. They thought they were it, they alpha and the omega, and did not fathom a time or culture beyond theirs. You would not be able to travel back in time and convince a person of the Middle Ages that they were existing in the Middle Ages, because they were just as stubborn and prideful in their position as the alpha and the omega. Similarly, we currently cannot be convinced that we are anything but the alpha and the omega, but we are just another transient culture. The difference between this transient culture (which will crumble one day, on a long enough timeline) and the rest, is this culture is trying its damn best to kill the planet, and ruin the natural beauties of the world, for the sake of selfishness and convenience. THIS is why I am sad, this is why I burn inside, and this is why I do not care about fall fashions, penis piercings, EMS credit hours, or 22 inch wheels. This is why I do not care about democrat, republican, China, or America. These are all make-believe divisions of a huge family that is one in the same – the HUMAN family.

And how quick we are to kill one another, to kill ourselves, or to stay so fucked up on drugs that we don’t pay any mind to our culture as a whole hurling the planet toward its demise. At this rate we will deserve whatever punishment may come. The irony of this all is, although we as humans may continue to grow weak, synthetic, old, and fat, and eventually perish due to our selfishness and sloth, there will be creatures that exist beyond our own demise. There will be slimes which become amoebas which become fish which become amphibians which become lizards which become mammals which become primates and so on. And so, as important as our culture projects man to be, we are merely transient. We are capable of such beauty as art, music, love, peace, and language, but we muffle it all in a break-neck sprint toward more convenient times, all the while driving ourselves and others mad.

What will follow is an instructional guide to saving the world. It will not be easy, and sacrifices must be made, but we must lift our heads, look one another in the eye, and realize that it is in our hands to right the ship, and do the hard work of saving this planet and our own species from killing itself.

To further understand this manual I am creating, I must ask that you read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. In my opinion, which is my own maddening belief, this is the most important book around. It explains in great detail and rationale the ways in which we are killing ourselves. This is taboo, it is bad and ugly and not fun to hear, but it has to be addressed to save this planet from a truly miserable existence. You must acknowledge that 401Ks, stocks, money, coins, gold, cars, booze, video games are all meaningless and merely a distraction from the destruction which is certain if we continue to avert our eyes.

Enlisting in the Medicated Militia.

Alas, 25 years into the game, I enlisted in the medicated masses. After months of sabotage, doubt, and denial, I’ve arrived to the consensus that I’ve been depressed. Hop in the way-back machine, and I’ll give you a cliff’s notes rundown.

It occurred while I was dating Yen. I was completely happy in the relationship, at my physical peak, and excelling in work and school. In general, I was liked by all. I slept well and ate better. Yet, I was disconnected, growing lethargic, and generally not amused very much by the world around me. Slowly, I ceased running, reading, and writing. The blogging grinded to a halt, and I began to long for sleep more, and feel tired more. Recently, I do not work out or run at all. I only go to work, school, clinicals, and play video games.

Everything seemed grating. From spending time with family and friends, to simply eating, it was all quite vexing and tedious to me. I ate not out of enjoyment, but as a need to quell my stomach’s roaring. I spent time with friends largely out of a desire not to draw attention to myself or feel bad for abandoning them.

I found that subconsciously I had pitted my pride against my logic. My pride was representative of my healthy life to this point, being in great health and medication-free. My logic represented the very real acknowledgement that life is too short to live any amount of time in misery. Clashing and inertia followed, but after an epic struggle logic prevailed, and I called my doc to have a meeting of the minds.

It was determined that I will try Wellbutrin XL 150mg for four days, followed by Wellbutrin XL 300mg following that. In theory, this should right the ship, but I’ve done my homework and acknowledge that Wellbutrin is going to take 2 weeks at minimum to take effect. Still, I’ve no qualms with this enlistment, as I fully believe I must be happy in this life as often as possible, because I can’t be certain that there is another life after this one.

Additionally, it was simply bothersome on a fundamentally human level that I would respond to very sick and injured people on shift and during clinicals and could not empathize for their unfortunate states at all because I was too busy pondering my own misery and bleakness. In the presence of colleagues I have been equally remote, having no interest at all in what anyone else is saying – even if they are engaging me directly! This is not the me I am used to. The me I once knew lived for interaction with others, and thrived off of the good fortune of those I care about. Furthermore, I fully empathized with those I responded to at work, which was overall the reason why I enrolled in paramedic school.

In the grand scheme of things, I have a family history of depression and realize that the world I live in is not necessarily a world I fancy. I think this vision of the world I live in has burned into my mind, and has been making me act as listless as I have. Also, I have been so keenly aware of the evils around me, and very seldom the goodness around me. I want balance. I do not want blissful numbness nor do I want bleak misery – I want to savor them both so that I can appreciate them both, when appropriate.

Today is day one. I will update on my progress when remarkable changes occur. I am taking Bupropion, the generic of Wellbutrin (although reliable sources such as MSNBC have stated that the bonding agents in the generic are inferior to Wellbutrin and as such produce inferior results). I’ll be requesting Wellbutrin by name upon Rx refill.

Day one: ingested one 150mg BupropionXL capsule at 2 pm. It is 5:30, and I’ve felt nothing. No side effects (the most prevalent being CNS stimulation, dry mouth, anxiety), but luckily, in general I’ve never been an anxious character.

In closing, I think better living is made available through medication, but I also believe balanced must be achieved in drug support along with improvement in lifestyle. So I will be making it a higher priority to do the things which I have always thrived upon – working hard, running, reading, working out, socializing, writing, and so on. I will also put greater emphasis on maintaining better contact with friends and family.

Until next time,
the now-medicated DuPu

The Exhausting Nature of Being a Good Person.

Among so many other things we are taught as children, one very prevalent core philosophy we are taught to abide by is to do good. This is very elementary initially, ranging from brushing our teeth to cleaning our rooms to not lying. At the time it seems a monumental inconvenience to abide by this very important rule, but it’s not a confusing protocol. Just do as I say, do what is good, and you will be considered good. Being at least a tinge selfish in nature, we will eventually seek to find out the prize for being good, and the rewards of being good don’t manifest themselves very boldly. Your mileage may very, but I recall eventually growing disenchanted with the important rule of being a good person, after seeing that not only did it not pay dividends, but it seemed like an open invitation for people to start using me as a door mat.

So eventually in the natural (or unnatural) progression of my life, I surmised that instead of doing good, I’d do what seemed not too harmful, and in a way that may benefit me as well. I stopped pulling over to assist people, I stopped cooking food for others, and I was much more hesitant to help people move furniture when I realized I could be doing other things and getting paid for it, or enjoying myself in a more fun-filled occupation such as sports or video games.

As the inclination to serve oneself perpetuates, though, I noticed in myself almost no desire to help people, ever. This was largely due to a lack of reciprocation from those I helped, and a profound lack of thoughtfulness from others. Now I can admit it to be a mentally lazy hypothesis, but I had conjectured that people as a whole were selfish and I would be, too.

Nowhere was this more palpable than in my pursuit of women. I learned quickly that women don’t want a jerk, but they definitely don’t want a push over. Your success with women often seems to lie in your ability to exist within boundaries or selfishness, assertiveness, and occasional thoughtfulness — just enough to keep them on the hook. And so for a while I abided by that.

And now we’re up to speed, and through introspection and the digestion of piles and piles of books related to philosophy and sociology, it seems I spent a great deal of time sabotaging myself and spinning my wheels without ever acquiring any meaningful traction with respect to my own personal development. Yep, I was nothing more than a robot, and the only solace I could take in that revelation was that damn near everyone else was too. Rarely, I did happen upon people who were real, and honest. I mean truly honest, able to confess to you their resentment for you if only as a gateway toward a better mutual understanding between two persons. It is downright manipulative how we seem to lie and dance around the truth with one another in an effort not to harm peoples’ egos. To tell someone they are pretty when you secretly think they are ugly is manipulative, is it not?

Back to square one, I acknowledge the necessity of being a good person. With a keen eye, I can also behold the tiny rewards here and there which I may enjoy when I am a good person. This is a destination I am constantly arriving to, and it seems quite tiring. This poses another confounding question: why is it so exhausting to be a good person? When was it established in the time line of man that it was more pragmatic to be dishonest and manipulative than to be good and honest? At some point the balance was offset by an individual, a pioneer of selfishness. It only took a couple of witnesses of the fruits of this person’s labor for the concept to catch fire, I think. And now we live in a world which I wildly suppose to be majorly selfish, with selfless persons as the extreme minority.

And the very foundation of selfishness in my observation is ego. “I”, “me”, or whatever moniker one might use to refer to oneself. Ego is a very empowering thing, but a woefully limiting thing as well. A supermodel thrives on the ego they possess, but crumbles just as quickly to ill sentiment voiced by others. Ego is a paper tiger, fierce and frail. But more than that, ego is a harmful thing to others, and so others also must become defensive of their own paper tigers. Certain doom awaits those who leave their egos unprotected.

I spar with my ego every day. I understand that if I can forego my own selfish desires, I can truly experience life as it is, without always factoring “me” into every equation. I can truly enjoy the radiant blue sky when I am not worried about how my hair looks, or how my posture is. I can really breathe in the crisp morning air when I am not concerned with what others will think of me arriving to work just barely on time. Although mastery over ego entirely may be an impossibility (and it may not!), it seems as if simply acknowledging that ego is a blockade that prevents us from having human experience is quite a mark of progress in itself.

The sparring with my own ego combined with the constant war being waged with the people around me to exhibit my selflessness only to receive their selfish gestures in return effectively beat me down. I have succumbed to depression many times recently because of an overall lament that it is pointless to continue striving toward being a good person in a world which is absolutely not conducive to good people. I have furthermore been depressed because I cannot engage in a selfish lifestyle to seek salvation from the fatigue of trying to be a good person. I am too mindful of what an impact it has on those all around me when I am selfish, and digress from every acting in that capacity for any length of time. It leaves me yearning for a more lofty platform to express my selflessness from – like a position of power – and then isn’t this how the quest for power all came about? Back to square one. Additionally, wanting to express how “look how much more selfless I am than you!” is in itself an expression of ego. Expression of egolessness with the intent to establish superiority is worse even than the classical fortifying of one’s ego.

I’ve extricated myself from the murky abyss of depression, though. I understand that this life is of no consequence, and I have the free will to live how I please. However I also acknowledge the human tendency to want to be challenged, and so I will continue to be a good person even if only to fulfill my human desire to be challenged. I will thrive on that spark that I feel when I draw near to another good and mindful soul, and wordlessly I’ll know “this person really gets it!” And for lack of a better moral to this story, I can be content in knowing my journey through personal development has left me nearly resentful of money and the very selfish following it breeds, so I’ll never have to fear for working myself to death in an effort to afford fancy possessions.

There is more to say here, many more profound musings to disclose, but I feel good just getting this out in the air. More will come, because there’s always something new to behold in this kaleidoscopic existence. There’s always something remarkable to behold in this magical world we live in, through the five powerful senses which are the human experience.

That Time of Year Again.

Today is my father’s birthday, and I do not have the guts to wish him a happy one. I guess it is because I am certain he is not happy.

Yet again I resign myself to the “Maybe next year.” mentality.

Happy birthday dad.